Simple Meeting

We came to a brand new realization yesterday when we were attending a staff meeting...we are no longer in the United States. This may seem obvious, however, it is amazing how quickly things we are experiencing become normalized as a regular part of our lives. For example, bucket showers, lots of highly starchy foods (white rice, white potatoes, white bread, everything fried in palm oil...good times), heavy, thick, and polluted air, poverty, HIV, singing, dancing, passionate sermons, being a racial minority, etc. However, yesterday, we were out of our normalized experience.

As we attended this staff meeting, we thought it was going to be about collecting data for Monitoring and Evaluation Services. We thought it would be a quick 15 minute or so meeting on fixing the problems with gathering data. We learned quickly this was not the case. We learned that Nigerian meetings do not operate the same way as U.S. meetings. For example, as the issue started to be presented, something of an outroar came about. Everyone started talking at once, loudly, in what seemed like distress. Then people would try to talk over each other and interrupt each other as each was trying to make their point. As each was trying to make their point, they seemed agrivated at the situation. There were definately more concerns than a 15 minute meeting would allow. A meeting about data collection eventually turned into job responsibilities and requirements, as well as patient responsibilities. It is difficult to know your job if you have no job description. They've been working on it...for at least a year. However, Faith Alive operates like a family. Job descriptions are absolutely blurred anyways, you see a need, you help out, it's family. However, the culture also lacks a sense of personal responsibility, because they take such great care of each other, which we so highly emphasize in the U.S. So, this family mentality also leads to...it's family, it's their problem, not mine, that must be someone else's job within the family. There is also the issue of people just trying to fly under the radar. Nobody wants to rock the boat and nobody wants to cause trouble, because they're incredible self conscious about criticizm. It also runs through the patients. Sometimes Nigerians are too compassionate, maybe? I'm not sure this exists, or it's my own American frame of reference. But, when people miss or come late to their appointment, they still see them and give them medications, with reprimanding, but no initiative to change the behavior. This would NOT fly in the U.S. You miss your appointment, you must make a new one...sorry. Compassion can sometimes make work hard. This seems to be a problem for the smallest of tasks, which all seem like they could be resolved with a computer database system. However...the clinic is not ready for that yet. It would take a lot of work and retraining to get the system there. It's amazing what the base level of education and capacity of the local work force does to your ability to try to innovate and move to the next level. The issues brought up were apparently issues that have been "worked on" for the past couple of years. There were no raising of hands to discuss your opinion in this meeting. There was no order or set agenda for the meeting...did I mention it lasted 2 hours? There was no one taking minutes on the ideas that were brought forward to implement. There was no leader of the meeting to get things "under control" when everyone was talking at once. It was intense, yet a good experience...we are no long in the U.S. The meeting ended with people hugging each other, laughing, and all getting along, apparently people weren't REALLY mad, or aggrivated, or upset. It's just how they discuss things. Ah, the new experiences of the Nigerian way of life.

Again, we love you, miss you, and value our relationships above all else, so we are thankful you all are hanging in there with us, and continuing to value the relationships as we do! Talk to you soon!
Peace,
Kristen

Meanings Behind Emotion

Hey all! Thank you so much for your comments and keeping us updated on your lives as well. We have been astonished at how God has blessed us with such dedicated friends and family. Your relationships are valuable beyond measure to you...we are grateful!!

As I continue to expand my relationships with the hospitable people of Nigeria, I am blown away at how big God is. You see, I used to understand my "closeness" to God through my emotions. However, I have learned that God is MUCH bigger than my emotions can sense. I am also learning that my emotions are so variable and not dependable (maybe this is also part of being a woman;). God is bigger than my internal experience of Him. Certainly my human experience is larger than this as well. It involves intellect, physical assertion, dreams, soul, emotion, and thoroughly, relationships. I am a highly emotional being (again, womanhood...). It is how a lot of experiences have created meaning for me. The intensity, extent, and type of emotion that gives rise to my experiences often gives creed to my future experiences, passions, hopes, and efforts I put into my circumstances. Being in Nigeria stirs emotions for me. Not strong emotions all the time, but certain emotions are somethings stronger than others. These emotions can be tied to previous experiences that I have had linked with similar emotions. For example, I have been interested with eating behaviors and patterns, especially related to my own experiences with the ties between emotions and food. My emotions, then, become particularly intense when I see children here suffering from malnutrition. I wind up feeling very guilty about my experiences regarding overeating and eating behaviors and seeing children who are starving. How can I overeat when these children are not getting enough food? How can I live in solidarity with their experience? I feel a strong sense of guilt about my life. I have been harboring guilt for feeling so insecure about our financial situation and seeing how people here trust the Lord and have so little finances. It is very relational...we are rich here. That is certainly not the case in the United States. I feel guilty for being so stressed about finances, for overeating when I see people starving, for having so much, when I see people who have so little, for arguing and treating my family poorly, when I know they would do ANYTHING for me, and people here are widows and losing children, husbands, parents, and are so grateful for their relationships. But then, I question myself for feeling so guilty. The people here are vibrant, resourceful, grateful, faithful beyond my comprehension, inspiring, living in unity and beautiful harmony with God and their communities. Why do I feel guilty about the circumstances of people who are living in immense joy, even amidst their suffering? Why should I feel bad about that? Why should I feel guilty about God's Glory being revealed through their suffering, faith, trust, and perseverance. One woman said at support group the other night, "God bless HIV". She experienced God's glory to a fuller extent, which she felt blessed by-how beautiful, why would I feel bad, or guilty about THAT? I feel partly responsible for the condition of the people's circumstances here. If I were less greedy, would they be better off? If I bought clothes only from second hand, and not too many, would they be better off? If I did not overeat, would they be better off? If I was more resourceful, wasted less, used less, and gave more, would they be better off? These have become personal questions with personal faces and stories.

I am also becoming very humbled. God is humbling me by reminding me that He has plans for me, to prosper me, and to help me grow. I am learning that my own plans are frugal. They are cheapening God, and He knows more about my world than I do. This is demanding a lot of my trust, when I am very tempted to try to control my future. God is continuously challenging this and keeping me in recognition of Him. It is a beautiful, yet challenging venture. I am thankful.

Torn
My hopes are selfish;
I know my impure heart.
I look all around me and
God is alive-I see.
I see Him. I see me.
I seek what is right.
But find myself back at me.
I feel insecure in it all.
I know that I fall short.
Yet I feel proud. Prideful heart.
Always competing, How can I seek justice?
I want a fuller life
One found through You.
I want a real existence
Traded for lies and schemes.
I want love of myself.
I want love for others more.
I need peace, I need assurance.
More than a feeling or emotion.
I need more of Jesus in my life.


Needs
Discovering God's heart,
Through my own mind.
What do I own? I have it all.
Yet I am always needing, always wanting.
I see pain, I see need.
All the same it is joy and fullness.
Many opposing forces-heavenly ties.
Hell in front of me-but there is a Light.
The Light shines bright, yet the guilt intrudes.
Is it right to feel bad, does it increase God?
Heaven is alive, even with the pain,
How do I include myself in the experience,
The intruder keeps me at bay of the Life.
Jesus is near. He is coming.

Love you all!

Home Visits

As we are spending more time here in Jos, working at the clinic, we have had the opportunity to observe and help with more aspects of the daily tasks of the care. We have spent time in HIV counseling and testing (a person must see a counselor before and after getting tested to educate them on what HIV/AIDS is and to help them live a more safe lifestyle with their positive/negative results), sat in with the doctors who see patients for their routine visits as well as walk in's, spent some time in the lab where they run the tests and bloodwork, the pharmacy to help fill prescriptions, and in the monitoring and evaluation (record keeping) department so that statistics can be given to the donor agencies on the amount of people served and it what capacity. We also had the chance to go out on a "home visit" through the home based care department which is where clinic employees visit patients who are either too sick or live to far away from the clinic to travel, which had a very real impact on both Kristen and I.

We drove probably a half hour to the outskirts of Jos to a run down urban area where the roads are more jagged rocks than pavement, and the sewage flows down the streets, and sometimes under people's houses. We were visiting a 13 year old girl named Ayse who is HIV positive (not sure how she contracted the virus, but this situation is not too uncommon here), and had been at the clinic a week ago. The doctor had given her family some money out of his own pocket to get the girl something to eat because she was severly malnourished (as is often the case with HIV patients). When we arrived, the girl was not there. The home based care worker then told me that she had come to visit a few days before, and found the family had used the doctor's money to feed themselves, and the girl had not received any. The home based care employee realized that the girl had an infection, which is potentially lethal for a malnourished HIV patient, and needed to go to the hospital. The worker brought the girl to the hospital, and had the family admit her. After talking with some of the neighbors at the girls house, we found out that the family took her out during the night because they didn't want to pay the hospital bills. The mother took the girl to her home village outside of town so that the girl could die. This 13 year old is most likely dead now because her family chose to pay the rent than her hospital bill, partially a victim of poverty, partly a victim of an uncaring family.

The second home we visited was another 45 minutes from the outskirts of town, where we visited a women in her mid thirty's who had lost all appatite due to the advanced nature of her condition and had diarriah due to her medication. Her family however, was doing a much better job of taking care of her. She was too weak to help out in the village, but people still cleaned her home (a 10 by 10 room with a thatched roof, a mattress on the ground and two chairs) and always made sure that she had something to eat, no matter how little everyone else had. Despite the good care, her condition had deteriorated from the last visit, and the doctors were trying to see what they could do to change her medication so that she would stop the diarriah. The woman, despite her condition invited us all in and was asking how we were. She was thankful for us coming to see her, that we would take the time to visit. We prayed with her for healing, for her appetite to return and the diarriah to stop. Despite her condition, she was thankful. It is really hard to imagine how someone who is in such a situation can still be thankful, but that is the case here in Jos, people are thankful for every day despite their conditions. They rely on God because they have no other choice. Amazing people. We have a lot to learn from them.

Thank you for sharing in our experience, and I hope this post finds you well.
Jon

Baboons

So, I need to relay this story. We went to a game reserve/resort and were staying in these beautiful African huts. There was even running water...sometimes. We got to swim in this beautiful hot springs, that was just the right temperature. I climbed up a tree and jumped off, like an African monkey. The next morning, Jon and I went to go eat breakfast. We had packed all of our stuff neatly. When we came back, we discovered one of our locked windows was broken into, and the baboons had gotten in! They had unzipped my bag, taken my stuff out and thrown it everywhere. In search of food! It was funny because my bag had no food and Jon's had granola bars in it...they didn't touch his stuff! So, as sneaky as they thought they were, we were sneakier. They opened the fridge, dresser, everything! They were EVERYWHERE! There were also wart hogs everywhere! Think Rafiki and Pumba from the Lion King. Not as cute and they don't sing. Anyways, I just wanted to share that story with you so you could get a good laugh at our experiences in Africa! Hope you are all having a great day!
Kristen

Missing you

Well, we are just starting to get settled in here in Nigeria.  We are currently living at Dr. Chris's house and will be moving into the Guest House near the clinic after the people from the Naval Academy leaves.  We have been doing a lot of observing and learning how the clinic operates.  It is great to see how the workers incorporate the whole patient when working together.  They are not only counseled on medication and medical examinations.  They also discuss their spiritual life, emotional life, social life, financial life, nutrition, adherence, their social supports, etc.  It feels more fulfilling and a more complete form of "health care" since they often relate and affect each other.  We have been taking Housa lessons, however, I don't feel like I am proficient enough to communicate with the "locals" yet.  It is a learning process.  I just basically say a few words I know and get laughed at.  It's great.  We have also visited some of the sattelite clinics, which have such high rates of HIV, yet the people are continously joyful.  I feel that the presence of God is in the beauty of the land as we travel different places, and in the people as we meet them.  There is not much that I miss in the sense of the "American life".  What I miss is my family and friends.  I am learning that my relationships with people is what matters the most.  The Nigerians are a great example of how they live this relationship centered life out.  It is much more fulfilling for me.  In missing my family and friends I am realizing a blend of family and friends.  The lines become blurry.  My family have become my very best friends.  In turn, my friends have become my family.  I am missing only those things from home.  The bucket showers are fine, actually refreshing.  The food is great, probably too great at this point!  I am meeting great people.  While I cannot yet say that I am passionate about Nigeria and Faith Alive, I can say that I am happy here.  I can say that God is here and the people recognize Him much more than I have recognized Him. They recognize God and His work, where I tend to ignore it, or complain about it, or have difficulty finding it.  It's obvious here, even though He is everywhere.  I am looking forward to my time here.  Like I said, I am happy.  We are definately still in the learning stages.  There are times when I see things that make my heart break.  There are times where I am angry because I see the injustice.  I remember what we have in America and become frustrated with the injustice of it all.  But I am happy.  The people are happy.  I am also very thankful for all the people who have written posts.  It is really fun to hear from you and to hear how your lives are going.  I'm not sure how to reply to them, but know that you are loved.  That we are so excited to hear from  you when you reply, I have been impressed with the people I have heard from... some very unexpected and old friends, that I have often thought about.  I am thankful this experience can still bring us close even though we are far.  Love you!

Kristen