So, as expected, there are some cultural differences that we have observed in Nigeria. Marriage for example is a bit different here than in the U.S. Marriage in Nigeria is for one purpose, to have children. You don't really have to "love" your spouse, there does not have to be much of an "emotional connection", I think that the common denominator is that you simply like your spouse. The families of those who are getting married are also heavily involved in the process, acting as two governmental delegations in an international relations negotiation. The marriage itself is more like a contract to bring two people together in order to have children which will satisfy each of the families’ desire for posterity. It's also funny how happy/proud they are of the institution of marriage here. When Kristen and I go to a church for the first time, often they will ask us to come up in front of the congregation and introduce ourselves (typical Nigerian protocol). I'll introduce myself and then when I say, "and this is my wife Kristen" the whole place erupts into applause. I've never seen people so happy to see a married couple. Not only that, but everyone asks us how many children we have, and you can see the disappointment in their faces when we say none. Some are very blunt and ask us why we don't have any kids yet, but we mostly deflect this question by telling them we want to have stable jobs that produce a steady paycheck before begetting offspring. This usually goes over well, I think it shows we're being responsible.
The Nigerian family structure is another area of difference, and is definitely a patriarchal one. It's pretty normal for people to address me (Jon) before Kristen and even direct most of their questions at me just because I am the husband. Women in Nigeria are expected for the most part to be quite and reserved. One of the funniest manifestations of this cultural phenomenon takes place when people call to us in or around the clinic. Even though both Kristen and I introduce ourselves to the same person at the same time, both telling this person our names, they many times side step acknowledging Kristen. A typical greeting would go like this:
Jon: Hello Greg (our driver at the clinic)
Greg: Hello Jon
Kristen: Good morning Greg
Greg: Hello Jon's wife
This is typical and happens all the time. We gave a presentation for some outreach workers at the clinic last week on "the house of nutrition". Kristen pretty much did the presentation, I was just the house, but they still had on the program that Mr. and Mrs. Jon were presenting. Just funny!
The people here are pretty hard working people for the most part. The whole town seems to be up and active by 6:00 AM and don't usually go to bed until around 12 every night (and we think we're a nation sleep deprived). I have a theory on why this is however, and I think it stems from the fact that Nigerians don't have the same understanding of what we would call "respect for other people's quiet". By 5:50 AM, almost like clockwork, our neighbor starts doing her laundry in the courtyard of our building, singing along to her three favorite songs that she plays on her tape cassette player. Then around 6:15 AM, the landlord on the third floor of our building will have a worship service that involves a lot of singing and clapping. So by 6:30, you don't have a choice, you're up whether you like it or not. Then, because the power is on and off all day long, people run generators at night to have electricity in their homes. There is no law about when these generators need to be turned off, or how close to your neighbor's bedroom window your generator is. Again, could you imagine that happening in a residential neighborhood in the U.S.?
Thanks for listening to our adventures,
Jon
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
New Things
We are always learning here. Things are always changing for us, our perspectives, our values, our dreams, our visions, our hopes, our understanding of God. It's quite exciting on many levels. We had a nice and relaxing weekend where we just spent some time together, reading, going for walks, going to church, talking, etc. It was great. We are learning to see the face of God in different ways while we experience different ways of life.
I think that sometimes being in a different culture, where we are clearly different, can be trying. It sometimes feels like we can only get to a certain place in the community. They do community so well here. It's something that we're really learning to value. To share the things we have with others who need is a distant concept from how we are realizing it is normally done, giving our money when we have a cause that WE feel good about and want to give to. Someone may need a bed, if I have an extra room, why can't they have it? Or, maybe they just need to go for a walk and "get away" for a bit. Maybe they need a meal, I can cook one (not here though, we have a wonderful, gracious, and dedicated cook who makes meals for us everyday). Sometimes we feel our impact in the U.S. could be more powerful if we lived more like the Nigerians than trying to live like an American here. As we attempt to acculturate to the Nigerian way of life, we're still Americans and there's no way of getting around it. There is a strange power differential that is alive, even if we try to fight it. We can't change the color of our skin, where we're from, what culture we have as context, what is normal to us and abnormal, or how we talk, but we can try to listen to what others are teaching us through their own lifestyles, and take that with us and we travel on the road of life. People actually take care of people here, they put people over work, productivity and efficiency. The emphasis for us cannot be to accomplish some job or task, because things operate much differently here, and if that were my goal, I would certainly become frustrated and fail. Getting things done here is much more difficult because of various boundaries. My goals here have to be different than my goals are in the U.S.-they cannot be focused on getting things done, producing and meeting goals, but on listening to God, and seeking what He wants me to do in this context here. It's a difficult lesson to learn because in the U.S. we are always working for the bottom line, time deadline, seeing as many people, getting as many things done in as little time possible. It's not the way things work here, it's not how the Nigerians want things to work here, and it's just not possible here. So, I try to focus on learning, which can sometimes seem selfish, but I think I'm here for a reason, and I don't think it's to accomplish any specific task (though I continue to act out my ingrained American mentality of working on accomplishing tasks).
So, things are going well, because we have decided to readjust our new goals, and they are much more exciting, seeking to love God and our neighbor in a new way to us. We don't have much to update you on things that we are doing. We are both working on different projects...grants for the clinic, putting together a magazine, an annual report, a overall manual for the entire clinic, but the most exciting thing we are doing is learning.
I think that sometimes being in a different culture, where we are clearly different, can be trying. It sometimes feels like we can only get to a certain place in the community. They do community so well here. It's something that we're really learning to value. To share the things we have with others who need is a distant concept from how we are realizing it is normally done, giving our money when we have a cause that WE feel good about and want to give to. Someone may need a bed, if I have an extra room, why can't they have it? Or, maybe they just need to go for a walk and "get away" for a bit. Maybe they need a meal, I can cook one (not here though, we have a wonderful, gracious, and dedicated cook who makes meals for us everyday). Sometimes we feel our impact in the U.S. could be more powerful if we lived more like the Nigerians than trying to live like an American here. As we attempt to acculturate to the Nigerian way of life, we're still Americans and there's no way of getting around it. There is a strange power differential that is alive, even if we try to fight it. We can't change the color of our skin, where we're from, what culture we have as context, what is normal to us and abnormal, or how we talk, but we can try to listen to what others are teaching us through their own lifestyles, and take that with us and we travel on the road of life. People actually take care of people here, they put people over work, productivity and efficiency. The emphasis for us cannot be to accomplish some job or task, because things operate much differently here, and if that were my goal, I would certainly become frustrated and fail. Getting things done here is much more difficult because of various boundaries. My goals here have to be different than my goals are in the U.S.-they cannot be focused on getting things done, producing and meeting goals, but on listening to God, and seeking what He wants me to do in this context here. It's a difficult lesson to learn because in the U.S. we are always working for the bottom line, time deadline, seeing as many people, getting as many things done in as little time possible. It's not the way things work here, it's not how the Nigerians want things to work here, and it's just not possible here. So, I try to focus on learning, which can sometimes seem selfish, but I think I'm here for a reason, and I don't think it's to accomplish any specific task (though I continue to act out my ingrained American mentality of working on accomplishing tasks).
So, things are going well, because we have decided to readjust our new goals, and they are much more exciting, seeking to love God and our neighbor in a new way to us. We don't have much to update you on things that we are doing. We are both working on different projects...grants for the clinic, putting together a magazine, an annual report, a overall manual for the entire clinic, but the most exciting thing we are doing is learning.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Futbol and A Wedding
We had a busy weekend! On Saturday we went on a church picnic with a friend of ours, Joshua (he lets us use his office and computer all the time, he's really great!). We got to play some more Nigerian Futball, something that everyone here seems to have an intense passion and knack for. While we were playing, I scored a goal. I was pretty excited about this accomplishment, especially since the ground was wet and slick, and we were playing with Nigerians! None the less, it was necessary to blog about the event!
Secondly...we attended a traditional wedding celebration. One of the pastor's at the clinic, Pastor Thomas, had a daughter who was getting married. Jon and I were pretty tired from the soccer match and we decided that we were going to only go for an hour. The wedding was supposed to start at 11 AM and people were carpooling from the clinic at 9AM to get there. By the time we got back from the picnic and decided to go it was 1:45PM, and were worried that we would miss it. We decided that we would at least go and try to witness/participate in the reception, assumming we would be late. Alas, when we arrived at 2:15 PM, the scheduled 11:00 AM wedding had yet to begin. So, we waited, sitting underneath a canopy outside, in the cold (relative term) and wind. Finally, around 4:15 PM, the traditional ceremony had begun. The bright colors and dancing were fantastic. It's definately entertaining and exciting. They do a dance with the bride and her 30 or so bridesmaids (if that's what they were), then they do one with the bride alone, and the parent's of the bride and groom alone. This dance is not a slow dance, but a high paced, beat-enthrolled dance. While the people are dancing guests get up, walk up to the people dancing and throw/stick money at/on them. Then we got our dinner, as we were getting ready to leave. So, we left with our package of chicken and rice, and finally arrived home after 6PM, not having stayed for a majority of the ceremony. I learned that I'm much less patient than I had thought I was. But, the experience is once in a lifetime, and worth it!
Love you and miss you all!
Kristen and Jon Paul
Secondly...we attended a traditional wedding celebration. One of the pastor's at the clinic, Pastor Thomas, had a daughter who was getting married. Jon and I were pretty tired from the soccer match and we decided that we were going to only go for an hour. The wedding was supposed to start at 11 AM and people were carpooling from the clinic at 9AM to get there. By the time we got back from the picnic and decided to go it was 1:45PM, and were worried that we would miss it. We decided that we would at least go and try to witness/participate in the reception, assumming we would be late. Alas, when we arrived at 2:15 PM, the scheduled 11:00 AM wedding had yet to begin. So, we waited, sitting underneath a canopy outside, in the cold (relative term) and wind. Finally, around 4:15 PM, the traditional ceremony had begun. The bright colors and dancing were fantastic. It's definately entertaining and exciting. They do a dance with the bride and her 30 or so bridesmaids (if that's what they were), then they do one with the bride alone, and the parent's of the bride and groom alone. This dance is not a slow dance, but a high paced, beat-enthrolled dance. While the people are dancing guests get up, walk up to the people dancing and throw/stick money at/on them. Then we got our dinner, as we were getting ready to leave. So, we left with our package of chicken and rice, and finally arrived home after 6PM, not having stayed for a majority of the ceremony. I learned that I'm much less patient than I had thought I was. But, the experience is once in a lifetime, and worth it!
Love you and miss you all!
Kristen and Jon Paul
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