End of the Road

Hello to all who have been following along on our adventure!

We're writing from the US, in the twin cities to be exact, and this will be the final post on this website. Just to wrap things up, Kristen has a job working for the University of Minnesota for a one year contract position, and I'm going to be finishing up my graduate degree at Colorado State University from here. I'm in the process of looking into possible seminaries to start in the fall of 2009 or the spring of 2010, and am looking at schools from California to New Jersey. Our future looks like its going to be a wild ride, but it seems like it's just more of a continuation of the status quo. 

We both appreciate you all following us through our journeys and are looking forward to seeing you soon!

Signing off,

Jon and Kristen

Transition

Hey everyone! This will be the last blog that I will write before we return. We leave tomorrow after lunch for Abuja to catch our flight which will be leaving on Saturday morning. We will be staying in London with a friend that we have met here, then returning to Minneapolis via Chicago. We have some plans that have emerged. So far, this is what we know. I got a job in St. Paul at the University of Minnesota as a Registered Dietitian working with some students on a research project. It is a one year contract position. So we are currently looking for a place to live in that area. My job starts November 3rd, which is very soon after we return, so it will be quite the whirlwind. Nonetheless, we would love to catch up with family and friends as the transition progresses. Jon Paul will be looking for jobs in the area as well. We will live there for the year, than Jon hopes to attend seminary the following year. It will all be quite the adventure and we are trusting that God will continue to show us His plan for us. He has been so faithful to us in revealing His plans for us, but in His timing, not our own. We were so anxious about our future, and God has again supplied for us, it has been a testament in humility and trust. We are very excited and know that God will continue to provide for us.

We are leaving tomorrow, and we are experiencing many thoughts and feelings. There have been a few tears. We have been so surrounded and been greatly encouraged by everyone here. We have received many prayers, well wishes, Nigerian gifts, and blessings. We have left rejuvinated, refreshed, loved, encouraged, assured, and more excited about God than when we came. Our family has grown to include the Nigerian brothers and sisters that we have met here. They are forever a part of our lives, even if we are far apart. Everything has been great for us, including the trials and tribulations that have occurred, we have seen it all as part of a great experience. We are very sad to leave. But, we are also trying to look ahead and are very excited about our futures and being present in our present. We are excited to go home and talk and see many of you and share and perpetuate the story. We are excited to move on with this adventure, and letting this experience become part of who we are and part of our story. We will be taking back much of Nigeria to our lives back home and hope to live our lives differently because of our experience here. So, we have varying and many conflicting emotions that will probably take awhile to process. We can't wait to get to share our lives with you all again! We love you and thank you all so much for the prayers and encouragement you have given to us from abroad! We are grateful!

Love,
The Draskovic's (Team D) (or Simi and Neerat, as the Nigerians call us, it means Love and Handsome, Jon gave himself the name Handsome...)

Closing up

Hello to everyone who has been following us on our adventures!

We're getting ready to leave Jos this Thursday. It's bitter sweet for us because we have come to make so many good friends and relationships here that we are genuinely sad to be leaving. We are however excited to be coming back home to friends and family. We have also recently found out that Kristen as gotten a job in St. Paul working for the University of Minnesota for a 1 year contract, so now we have somewhere to go with a specific purpose in mind. The 1 year appointment is a good fit for our transitory stage of life right now, this way we can get our feet under us and figure out what our next move will be. We are very excited about the job, the move to St. Paul and living closer to at least some of our family. I will either be finishing up my graduate degree, which I started at Colorado State, in St. Paul, getting a job to pay back some student loans or a combination of the two.

We will be arriving in the US on Saturday the 25th at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, where Kristen's paretns will be picking us up. From there we will be spending a few days in Fargo with family and then going down to St. Paul so Kristen can have an orientation meeting with her new boss and for us to try to find an apartment. She starts on Novemeber 3rd, so we don't have much time to get adjusted from the trip to Nigeria. We are blessed to have some great friends in the area who have said we could stay with them for a few weeks until we find housing, so it looks like we can hit the ground running. With this new opportunity, we will most likely not be able to make it back to see our friends in Colorado in the near future, nor family in Connecticut. We are sad about this, but hopeful that we will be able to make a trip out soon to see our friends in both states.

I have also uploaded some pictures on a flickr webpage for everyone to look at. Sorry this has taken so long, but trying to put pictures on the net with our connection can be tedious. The web address is: http://www.flickr.com/photos/29780840@N04/sets/72157608114760515/, which puts you into the album I created entitled JP and Kristen in Nigeria. There is another album entitled Sewing, Knitting, Arts and Crafts, on the entry webpage to our flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/29780840@N04/, which contains pictures taken of the items and people in the sewing, knitting and arts and crafts school. I have been trying to set the social service center's skill acquisition group up with an organization in the US which markets and sells products created by African workers in the US so that there is a larger maerket for their products. This album contains pictures of the (mostly) women and the products they make.

I hope all is well and please pray for our safe travels on our return.

Jon Paul and Kristen

Dance Party Church

Kristen and I just got back from church at our local congregation. It was "Praise Sunday", which as we found out means the normal three and a half hour service is all about singing and dancing. You know that feeling you get after a long night of dancing at a wedding... well we've got that after the service. Our legs are sore, we're all sweaty and we can't hear anything because the music was so loud. I will say that we were kept very engaged through the whole service. We were dancing and shouting to the Lord, we got to laugh into the pastor's microphone (he's quite the dancer himself) because he wanted to know what laughing in English sounds like (pretty much the same), then we left about 10 minutes early and the pastor chased us out of the church asking us why we were leaving (we are pretty easy to pick out of the crowd at church). Talk about getting called out. I had to give him a sweaty hug and tell him that we needed to leave to call our families.

We are starting to wind things up here at the clinic and get our loose ends taken care of as far as our projects we have been working on. We have about a week and a half until we drive back to Abuja for our flight. We met two Brits in Jos (George and Naomi) who were visiting the clinic a month ago from London. When we told them we were going to have an overnight layover, they offered to put us up at their place in England, so we'll have friends to stay with that night. Then it's back to Heathrow in the morning for our flight to Minneapolis. It's funny how you never know who you'll meet and how those people will go out of their way to help you out, we have really been blessed by those who have come into our lives. George is going to hike the Appalachian Trail next summer, so if anyone reading this lives near the AT and is comfortable with extending hospitality to George, I hope I can put him into contact with some people in the US to give him a break from the trail every now and then.

We are looking forward to getting our feet back on (cooler) American soil, the land of cold beer and pizza. We are excited to come back just in time for the election, although it has been nice to not have to listen to any of the attack adds. It is also interesting to see how the people in Africa are reacting to the run up to the American elections. The people here are just as invested in the elections as most in the US are. We are lucky to have satellite access at our apartment, so we have gotten to see all the candidate's debates as well as a lot of news on the financial crisis. This way we can jump right back into normal American culture.

As for now, our plans are still up in the air as to what we're going to be doing when we get back. Because our stay was cut short from what we originally expected, we do not have anything lined up for ourselves as far as housing and work. We will be going to Kristen's parent's home in Fargo when we return, and try to figure things out from there. I am still on the rolls with FEMA, and they seem to be in need for people after hurricane Ike, so I will hopefully be able to work for them in Texas when we get back. Kristen has also been applying for jobs in different places around the country, so if one of those works out we may take that up. Unfortunately, right now, we feel like we're in a position where we have to earn some money to help make up for the cost of the trip to Nigeria and to pay back some of our student loans before we can do anything else. This most likely means we will not be able to return to Colorado in the immediate future, but we are hoping to make it back to either Fort Collins or Denver soon, at least for a quick visit.

We have decided after a lot of prayer and deliberation that we are not going to be pursuing the Peace Corps and will be making the changes to our future plans. For those who don't know, the PC was part of my graduate degree at Colorado State University and Kristen and I were supposed to be going into the Peace Corps this past summer/fall. The reason we are in Nigeria at all is because we were postponed from the PC for a year due to medical reasons. Now that the economy is going into a slump, the government has been cutting funding for the PC which is making us think that we could be waiting a lot longer for the PC to come through for us. So, we have decided not to put our lives on hold anymore because we just can't depend on the PC working out. We also feel that God has been leading us in a different direction and has basically given us those 2-3 years back, and we want to follow what He is leading us to do. I will change my degree at CSU, which I can hopefully get away with without having to take any more courses, and start working on my thesis to complete the masters. As you can see, our future plans have been tossed out the window and we're having to make adjustments. God has been very good and faithful. He has been providing answers as well as more questions. Please pray for wisdom in our future decision making, we have some large changes to look forward to.

I hope you are all well,
Jon

The wedding, swimming and baba

It has been a while since we've written last, so I'll try to give you some of the highlights:

The Nigerian Christian culture has dictated that if people are going to get married, they have to get married in a church, while the traditional cultural heritage says they have to have a traditional village wedding. It is part of the unique blending of the traditional African values and the European influence from colonization and missionaries that makes Nigeria what it is. We went to church the other day and without realizing it, walked in on a "white wedding". It's a little different than what we are used to, for instance, it lasted about 3 hours during a regular Sunday worship service, and 2/3 of it was people dancing and singing. Kristen and I were both called up to the front of the church to give a demonstration of our dancing prowess. There was a lot of laughing from the crowd. Then, before they vows and I-do's, the pastor reprimanded the couple for having their traditional wedding before receiving the congregation's blessings. This is a nuance of marriage that we just don't see in the US. The Nigerian concept of marriage is much more communal than our own, for example, when a woman marries a man, she is not just marrying him, she is marrying his whole family and vice versa. This means that marriage really is a family affair here and everyone in the family gets a say. The congregation also needs to give their blessing before the couple can get married. This is the "if anyone has good reason for these two to be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace" part of the ceremony, except they take it pretty seriously here, and it's not unusual for more than one person to voice concerns. The concerns then need to be rectified before the marriage can move forward. It puts a whole new spin on how you treat those in your community when you know it can affect your ability to get married. Luckily, the chiding of the couple only lasted a few minutes and they tied the knot in the end.

Kristen and I went swimming at the only swimming pool in Jos yesterday. Swimming in Nigeria is an experience. We have a seamstress friend named Blessing who has made a few African dresses for Kristen, who just finished up her secondary school exams and wanted to celebrate. Neither she, nor her two sons, Charles who is 12 and Henry who is 8, knew how to swim and wanted to learn. As an ex-lifeguard and swimmer, I told them I would love to teach them. So when we get there, the first thing we notice is that there is probably 100 people in the pool, and about 3 of them actually know how to swim. I jumped in to the deep end, Charles had said he has swam before, so Blessing, assuming he had, threw him in. Charles sank like a rock, straight to the bottom, no bobbing, no splashing to keep his head above water, just sank. I, thinking he could swim, just thought he was swimming around down there. Luckily Kristen yelled to me that he was not coming up and to go get him. So I pulled him up and we immediately moved over to the shallow end of the pool for more remedial lessons. The lessons were not easy to do because 2/3 of the people in the pool were trying their own hand at learning how to swim or jumping in the shallow end. Now in the U.S., if you're swimming in a public pool or lake, you would expect people to try to avoid you or at least keep from swimming into you. Not in Nigeria. People would practice their swimming right next to you, kicking you, scratching you, running into you, and then there were people jumping into the pool inches from you. The lessons went well, neither Blessing nor her sons are going to be breaking any world records in the near future, but they were floating, putting their faces in the water and doing some rudimentary freestyle by the end.

Baba is our cook. Baba, which means "Daddy" in Hausa, is somewhere between 85 and 90. Honestly. He started working for the English as a cook in 1940, when he said he was already over 20 years old. He showed us his "resume" of recommendations from different British officials from the 50's and 60's and from foreign missionaries or Nigerian government officials since. He was so proud about his resume and kept it in an old report cover. Baba cooks lunch and dinner for us 6 days a week (Sundays off), and until about two weeks ago was cooking breakfast as well. He shows up at 7 am and usually leaves around 7 pm. We have this running joke that when we ask him what's for lunch or dinner he always say "I don't know", he likes to surprise us. He's the most humble and kind hearted man I think I've ever met. I was asking him if he enjoyed his job and he told me that a cook used to be respected like a doctor in Nigeria because they have so much power over the health of the person they were cooking for. He also said that he liked it because he can always find work (not an easy thing to do in Nigeria). He conceded that it doesn't pay well, like the missionaries that he used to cook for, but that was good because a Christian should not make too much money. Earning too much money means people stop trusting in God. He said that cooking for people gives him a chance to serve them and show them the love of God, just like the missionaries. He also showed us his marriage certificate dated July 19, 1954 when we were asking about his family. His wife lives in a village about an hour from our house in a neighboring village (it's actually pretty common for husbands and wives to live apart like that for work), and his 7 children with their grandchildren live in and around Jos. He goes to visit them on Sundays when he has off from work. I think we'll miss Baba the most, not just because he cooks great food for us, but because he has shown us more love from his humble position than anyone else.

We also wanted to let everyone know that due to changes in the Nigerian visa policy we will be coming home at the end of October. Our initial plans were to stay around 6 months, because the visas we obtained were good for 3 months with the option to renew it for another 3 months. Just before we arrived however, the government changed their policy so that visas are now only good for 1 month with the option to renew for 1 month. I think we snuck in under the old policy due to some strings that Dr. Chris pulled for us. All being said and done, I feel like we've had a very fruitful 3 months here, maybe not productivity wise (we didn't complete any major projects for them) but in the sense that we learned about our selves and grew a tremendous amount. We made some wonderful friendships, heard some amazing stories and got to know truly inspiring people, all of which adds to this being one of those "life changing" events for us. I am so grateful that Kristen and I had the opportunity to come here and share life with the Nigerians for the short time that we did.

Mr. and Mrs. Jon

So, as expected, there are some cultural differences that we have observed in Nigeria. Marriage for example is a bit different here than in the U.S. Marriage in Nigeria is for one purpose, to have children. You don't really have to "love" your spouse, there does not have to be much of an "emotional connection", I think that the common denominator is that you simply like your spouse. The families of those who are getting married are also heavily involved in the process, acting as two governmental delegations in an international relations negotiation. The marriage itself is more like a contract to bring two people together in order to have children which will satisfy each of the families’ desire for posterity. It's also funny how happy/proud they are of the institution of marriage here. When Kristen and I go to a church for the first time, often they will ask us to come up in front of the congregation and introduce ourselves (typical Nigerian protocol). I'll introduce myself and then when I say, "and this is my wife Kristen" the whole place erupts into applause. I've never seen people so happy to see a married couple. Not only that, but everyone asks us how many children we have, and you can see the disappointment in their faces when we say none. Some are very blunt and ask us why we don't have any kids yet, but we mostly deflect this question by telling them we want to have stable jobs that produce a steady paycheck before begetting offspring. This usually goes over well, I think it shows we're being responsible.

The Nigerian family structure is another area of difference, and is definitely a patriarchal one. It's pretty normal for people to address me (Jon) before Kristen and even direct most of their questions at me just because I am the husband. Women in Nigeria are expected for the most part to be quite and reserved. One of the funniest manifestations of this cultural phenomenon takes place when people call to us in or around the clinic. Even though both Kristen and I introduce ourselves to the same person at the same time, both telling this person our names, they many times side step acknowledging Kristen. A typical greeting would go like this:
Jon: Hello Greg (our driver at the clinic)
Greg: Hello Jon
Kristen: Good morning Greg
Greg: Hello Jon's wife
This is typical and happens all the time. We gave a presentation for some outreach workers at the clinic last week on "the house of nutrition". Kristen pretty much did the presentation, I was just the house, but they still had on the program that Mr. and Mrs. Jon were presenting. Just funny!

The people here are pretty hard working people for the most part. The whole town seems to be up and active by 6:00 AM and don't usually go to bed until around 12 every night (and we think we're a nation sleep deprived). I have a theory on why this is however, and I think it stems from the fact that Nigerians don't have the same understanding of what we would call "respect for other people's quiet". By 5:50 AM, almost like clockwork, our neighbor starts doing her laundry in the courtyard of our building, singing along to her three favorite songs that she plays on her tape cassette player. Then around 6:15 AM, the landlord on the third floor of our building will have a worship service that involves a lot of singing and clapping. So by 6:30, you don't have a choice, you're up whether you like it or not. Then, because the power is on and off all day long, people run generators at night to have electricity in their homes. There is no law about when these generators need to be turned off, or how close to your neighbor's bedroom window your generator is. Again, could you imagine that happening in a residential neighborhood in the U.S.?

Thanks for listening to our adventures,
Jon

New Things

We are always learning here. Things are always changing for us, our perspectives, our values, our dreams, our visions, our hopes, our understanding of God. It's quite exciting on many levels. We had a nice and relaxing weekend where we just spent some time together, reading, going for walks, going to church, talking, etc. It was great. We are learning to see the face of God in different ways while we experience different ways of life.

I think that sometimes being in a different culture, where we are clearly different, can be trying. It sometimes feels like we can only get to a certain place in the community. They do community so well here. It's something that we're really learning to value. To share the things we have with others who need is a distant concept from how we are realizing it is normally done, giving our money when we have a cause that WE feel good about and want to give to. Someone may need a bed, if I have an extra room, why can't they have it? Or, maybe they just need to go for a walk and "get away" for a bit. Maybe they need a meal, I can cook one (not here though, we have a wonderful, gracious, and dedicated cook who makes meals for us everyday). Sometimes we feel our impact in the U.S. could be more powerful if we lived more like the Nigerians than trying to live like an American here. As we attempt to acculturate to the Nigerian way of life, we're still Americans and there's no way of getting around it. There is a strange power differential that is alive, even if we try to fight it. We can't change the color of our skin, where we're from, what culture we have as context, what is normal to us and abnormal, or how we talk, but we can try to listen to what others are teaching us through their own lifestyles, and take that with us and we travel on the road of life. People actually take care of people here, they put people over work, productivity and efficiency. The emphasis for us cannot be to accomplish some job or task, because things operate much differently here, and if that were my goal, I would certainly become frustrated and fail. Getting things done here is much more difficult because of various boundaries. My goals here have to be different than my goals are in the U.S.-they cannot be focused on getting things done, producing and meeting goals, but on listening to God, and seeking what He wants me to do in this context here. It's a difficult lesson to learn because in the U.S. we are always working for the bottom line, time deadline, seeing as many people, getting as many things done in as little time possible. It's not the way things work here, it's not how the Nigerians want things to work here, and it's just not possible here. So, I try to focus on learning, which can sometimes seem selfish, but I think I'm here for a reason, and I don't think it's to accomplish any specific task (though I continue to act out my ingrained American mentality of working on accomplishing tasks).

So, things are going well, because we have decided to readjust our new goals, and they are much more exciting, seeking to love God and our neighbor in a new way to us. We don't have much to update you on things that we are doing. We are both working on different projects...grants for the clinic, putting together a magazine, an annual report, a overall manual for the entire clinic, but the most exciting thing we are doing is learning.

Futbol and A Wedding

We had a busy weekend! On Saturday we went on a church picnic with a friend of ours, Joshua (he lets us use his office and computer all the time, he's really great!). We got to play some more Nigerian Futball, something that everyone here seems to have an intense passion and knack for. While we were playing, I scored a goal. I was pretty excited about this accomplishment, especially since the ground was wet and slick, and we were playing with Nigerians! None the less, it was necessary to blog about the event!

Secondly...we attended a traditional wedding celebration. One of the pastor's at the clinic, Pastor Thomas, had a daughter who was getting married. Jon and I were pretty tired from the soccer match and we decided that we were going to only go for an hour. The wedding was supposed to start at 11 AM and people were carpooling from the clinic at 9AM to get there. By the time we got back from the picnic and decided to go it was 1:45PM, and were worried that we would miss it. We decided that we would at least go and try to witness/participate in the reception, assumming we would be late. Alas, when we arrived at 2:15 PM, the scheduled 11:00 AM wedding had yet to begin. So, we waited, sitting underneath a canopy outside, in the cold (relative term) and wind. Finally, around 4:15 PM, the traditional ceremony had begun. The bright colors and dancing were fantastic. It's definately entertaining and exciting. They do a dance with the bride and her 30 or so bridesmaids (if that's what they were), then they do one with the bride alone, and the parent's of the bride and groom alone. This dance is not a slow dance, but a high paced, beat-enthrolled dance. While the people are dancing guests get up, walk up to the people dancing and throw/stick money at/on them. Then we got our dinner, as we were getting ready to leave. So, we left with our package of chicken and rice, and finally arrived home after 6PM, not having stayed for a majority of the ceremony. I learned that I'm much less patient than I had thought I was. But, the experience is once in a lifetime, and worth it!

Love you and miss you all!

Kristen and Jon Paul

Simple Meeting

We came to a brand new realization yesterday when we were attending a staff meeting...we are no longer in the United States. This may seem obvious, however, it is amazing how quickly things we are experiencing become normalized as a regular part of our lives. For example, bucket showers, lots of highly starchy foods (white rice, white potatoes, white bread, everything fried in palm oil...good times), heavy, thick, and polluted air, poverty, HIV, singing, dancing, passionate sermons, being a racial minority, etc. However, yesterday, we were out of our normalized experience.

As we attended this staff meeting, we thought it was going to be about collecting data for Monitoring and Evaluation Services. We thought it would be a quick 15 minute or so meeting on fixing the problems with gathering data. We learned quickly this was not the case. We learned that Nigerian meetings do not operate the same way as U.S. meetings. For example, as the issue started to be presented, something of an outroar came about. Everyone started talking at once, loudly, in what seemed like distress. Then people would try to talk over each other and interrupt each other as each was trying to make their point. As each was trying to make their point, they seemed agrivated at the situation. There were definately more concerns than a 15 minute meeting would allow. A meeting about data collection eventually turned into job responsibilities and requirements, as well as patient responsibilities. It is difficult to know your job if you have no job description. They've been working on it...for at least a year. However, Faith Alive operates like a family. Job descriptions are absolutely blurred anyways, you see a need, you help out, it's family. However, the culture also lacks a sense of personal responsibility, because they take such great care of each other, which we so highly emphasize in the U.S. So, this family mentality also leads to...it's family, it's their problem, not mine, that must be someone else's job within the family. There is also the issue of people just trying to fly under the radar. Nobody wants to rock the boat and nobody wants to cause trouble, because they're incredible self conscious about criticizm. It also runs through the patients. Sometimes Nigerians are too compassionate, maybe? I'm not sure this exists, or it's my own American frame of reference. But, when people miss or come late to their appointment, they still see them and give them medications, with reprimanding, but no initiative to change the behavior. This would NOT fly in the U.S. You miss your appointment, you must make a new one...sorry. Compassion can sometimes make work hard. This seems to be a problem for the smallest of tasks, which all seem like they could be resolved with a computer database system. However...the clinic is not ready for that yet. It would take a lot of work and retraining to get the system there. It's amazing what the base level of education and capacity of the local work force does to your ability to try to innovate and move to the next level. The issues brought up were apparently issues that have been "worked on" for the past couple of years. There were no raising of hands to discuss your opinion in this meeting. There was no order or set agenda for the meeting...did I mention it lasted 2 hours? There was no one taking minutes on the ideas that were brought forward to implement. There was no leader of the meeting to get things "under control" when everyone was talking at once. It was intense, yet a good experience...we are no long in the U.S. The meeting ended with people hugging each other, laughing, and all getting along, apparently people weren't REALLY mad, or aggrivated, or upset. It's just how they discuss things. Ah, the new experiences of the Nigerian way of life.

Again, we love you, miss you, and value our relationships above all else, so we are thankful you all are hanging in there with us, and continuing to value the relationships as we do! Talk to you soon!
Peace,
Kristen

Meanings Behind Emotion

Hey all! Thank you so much for your comments and keeping us updated on your lives as well. We have been astonished at how God has blessed us with such dedicated friends and family. Your relationships are valuable beyond measure to you...we are grateful!!

As I continue to expand my relationships with the hospitable people of Nigeria, I am blown away at how big God is. You see, I used to understand my "closeness" to God through my emotions. However, I have learned that God is MUCH bigger than my emotions can sense. I am also learning that my emotions are so variable and not dependable (maybe this is also part of being a woman;). God is bigger than my internal experience of Him. Certainly my human experience is larger than this as well. It involves intellect, physical assertion, dreams, soul, emotion, and thoroughly, relationships. I am a highly emotional being (again, womanhood...). It is how a lot of experiences have created meaning for me. The intensity, extent, and type of emotion that gives rise to my experiences often gives creed to my future experiences, passions, hopes, and efforts I put into my circumstances. Being in Nigeria stirs emotions for me. Not strong emotions all the time, but certain emotions are somethings stronger than others. These emotions can be tied to previous experiences that I have had linked with similar emotions. For example, I have been interested with eating behaviors and patterns, especially related to my own experiences with the ties between emotions and food. My emotions, then, become particularly intense when I see children here suffering from malnutrition. I wind up feeling very guilty about my experiences regarding overeating and eating behaviors and seeing children who are starving. How can I overeat when these children are not getting enough food? How can I live in solidarity with their experience? I feel a strong sense of guilt about my life. I have been harboring guilt for feeling so insecure about our financial situation and seeing how people here trust the Lord and have so little finances. It is very relational...we are rich here. That is certainly not the case in the United States. I feel guilty for being so stressed about finances, for overeating when I see people starving, for having so much, when I see people who have so little, for arguing and treating my family poorly, when I know they would do ANYTHING for me, and people here are widows and losing children, husbands, parents, and are so grateful for their relationships. But then, I question myself for feeling so guilty. The people here are vibrant, resourceful, grateful, faithful beyond my comprehension, inspiring, living in unity and beautiful harmony with God and their communities. Why do I feel guilty about the circumstances of people who are living in immense joy, even amidst their suffering? Why should I feel bad about that? Why should I feel guilty about God's Glory being revealed through their suffering, faith, trust, and perseverance. One woman said at support group the other night, "God bless HIV". She experienced God's glory to a fuller extent, which she felt blessed by-how beautiful, why would I feel bad, or guilty about THAT? I feel partly responsible for the condition of the people's circumstances here. If I were less greedy, would they be better off? If I bought clothes only from second hand, and not too many, would they be better off? If I did not overeat, would they be better off? If I was more resourceful, wasted less, used less, and gave more, would they be better off? These have become personal questions with personal faces and stories.

I am also becoming very humbled. God is humbling me by reminding me that He has plans for me, to prosper me, and to help me grow. I am learning that my own plans are frugal. They are cheapening God, and He knows more about my world than I do. This is demanding a lot of my trust, when I am very tempted to try to control my future. God is continuously challenging this and keeping me in recognition of Him. It is a beautiful, yet challenging venture. I am thankful.

Torn
My hopes are selfish;
I know my impure heart.
I look all around me and
God is alive-I see.
I see Him. I see me.
I seek what is right.
But find myself back at me.
I feel insecure in it all.
I know that I fall short.
Yet I feel proud. Prideful heart.
Always competing, How can I seek justice?
I want a fuller life
One found through You.
I want a real existence
Traded for lies and schemes.
I want love of myself.
I want love for others more.
I need peace, I need assurance.
More than a feeling or emotion.
I need more of Jesus in my life.


Needs
Discovering God's heart,
Through my own mind.
What do I own? I have it all.
Yet I am always needing, always wanting.
I see pain, I see need.
All the same it is joy and fullness.
Many opposing forces-heavenly ties.
Hell in front of me-but there is a Light.
The Light shines bright, yet the guilt intrudes.
Is it right to feel bad, does it increase God?
Heaven is alive, even with the pain,
How do I include myself in the experience,
The intruder keeps me at bay of the Life.
Jesus is near. He is coming.

Love you all!

Home Visits

As we are spending more time here in Jos, working at the clinic, we have had the opportunity to observe and help with more aspects of the daily tasks of the care. We have spent time in HIV counseling and testing (a person must see a counselor before and after getting tested to educate them on what HIV/AIDS is and to help them live a more safe lifestyle with their positive/negative results), sat in with the doctors who see patients for their routine visits as well as walk in's, spent some time in the lab where they run the tests and bloodwork, the pharmacy to help fill prescriptions, and in the monitoring and evaluation (record keeping) department so that statistics can be given to the donor agencies on the amount of people served and it what capacity. We also had the chance to go out on a "home visit" through the home based care department which is where clinic employees visit patients who are either too sick or live to far away from the clinic to travel, which had a very real impact on both Kristen and I.

We drove probably a half hour to the outskirts of Jos to a run down urban area where the roads are more jagged rocks than pavement, and the sewage flows down the streets, and sometimes under people's houses. We were visiting a 13 year old girl named Ayse who is HIV positive (not sure how she contracted the virus, but this situation is not too uncommon here), and had been at the clinic a week ago. The doctor had given her family some money out of his own pocket to get the girl something to eat because she was severly malnourished (as is often the case with HIV patients). When we arrived, the girl was not there. The home based care worker then told me that she had come to visit a few days before, and found the family had used the doctor's money to feed themselves, and the girl had not received any. The home based care employee realized that the girl had an infection, which is potentially lethal for a malnourished HIV patient, and needed to go to the hospital. The worker brought the girl to the hospital, and had the family admit her. After talking with some of the neighbors at the girls house, we found out that the family took her out during the night because they didn't want to pay the hospital bills. The mother took the girl to her home village outside of town so that the girl could die. This 13 year old is most likely dead now because her family chose to pay the rent than her hospital bill, partially a victim of poverty, partly a victim of an uncaring family.

The second home we visited was another 45 minutes from the outskirts of town, where we visited a women in her mid thirty's who had lost all appatite due to the advanced nature of her condition and had diarriah due to her medication. Her family however, was doing a much better job of taking care of her. She was too weak to help out in the village, but people still cleaned her home (a 10 by 10 room with a thatched roof, a mattress on the ground and two chairs) and always made sure that she had something to eat, no matter how little everyone else had. Despite the good care, her condition had deteriorated from the last visit, and the doctors were trying to see what they could do to change her medication so that she would stop the diarriah. The woman, despite her condition invited us all in and was asking how we were. She was thankful for us coming to see her, that we would take the time to visit. We prayed with her for healing, for her appetite to return and the diarriah to stop. Despite her condition, she was thankful. It is really hard to imagine how someone who is in such a situation can still be thankful, but that is the case here in Jos, people are thankful for every day despite their conditions. They rely on God because they have no other choice. Amazing people. We have a lot to learn from them.

Thank you for sharing in our experience, and I hope this post finds you well.
Jon

Baboons

So, I need to relay this story. We went to a game reserve/resort and were staying in these beautiful African huts. There was even running water...sometimes. We got to swim in this beautiful hot springs, that was just the right temperature. I climbed up a tree and jumped off, like an African monkey. The next morning, Jon and I went to go eat breakfast. We had packed all of our stuff neatly. When we came back, we discovered one of our locked windows was broken into, and the baboons had gotten in! They had unzipped my bag, taken my stuff out and thrown it everywhere. In search of food! It was funny because my bag had no food and Jon's had granola bars in it...they didn't touch his stuff! So, as sneaky as they thought they were, we were sneakier. They opened the fridge, dresser, everything! They were EVERYWHERE! There were also wart hogs everywhere! Think Rafiki and Pumba from the Lion King. Not as cute and they don't sing. Anyways, I just wanted to share that story with you so you could get a good laugh at our experiences in Africa! Hope you are all having a great day!
Kristen

Missing you

Well, we are just starting to get settled in here in Nigeria.  We are currently living at Dr. Chris's house and will be moving into the Guest House near the clinic after the people from the Naval Academy leaves.  We have been doing a lot of observing and learning how the clinic operates.  It is great to see how the workers incorporate the whole patient when working together.  They are not only counseled on medication and medical examinations.  They also discuss their spiritual life, emotional life, social life, financial life, nutrition, adherence, their social supports, etc.  It feels more fulfilling and a more complete form of "health care" since they often relate and affect each other.  We have been taking Housa lessons, however, I don't feel like I am proficient enough to communicate with the "locals" yet.  It is a learning process.  I just basically say a few words I know and get laughed at.  It's great.  We have also visited some of the sattelite clinics, which have such high rates of HIV, yet the people are continously joyful.  I feel that the presence of God is in the beauty of the land as we travel different places, and in the people as we meet them.  There is not much that I miss in the sense of the "American life".  What I miss is my family and friends.  I am learning that my relationships with people is what matters the most.  The Nigerians are a great example of how they live this relationship centered life out.  It is much more fulfilling for me.  In missing my family and friends I am realizing a blend of family and friends.  The lines become blurry.  My family have become my very best friends.  In turn, my friends have become my family.  I am missing only those things from home.  The bucket showers are fine, actually refreshing.  The food is great, probably too great at this point!  I am meeting great people.  While I cannot yet say that I am passionate about Nigeria and Faith Alive, I can say that I am happy here.  I can say that God is here and the people recognize Him much more than I have recognized Him. They recognize God and His work, where I tend to ignore it, or complain about it, or have difficulty finding it.  It's obvious here, even though He is everywhere.  I am looking forward to my time here.  Like I said, I am happy.  We are definately still in the learning stages.  There are times when I see things that make my heart break.  There are times where I am angry because I see the injustice.  I remember what we have in America and become frustrated with the injustice of it all.  But I am happy.  The people are happy.  I am also very thankful for all the people who have written posts.  It is really fun to hear from you and to hear how your lives are going.  I'm not sure how to reply to them, but know that you are loved.  That we are so excited to hear from  you when you reply, I have been impressed with the people I have heard from... some very unexpected and old friends, that I have often thought about.  I am thankful this experience can still bring us close even though we are far.  Love you!

Kristen 

We're here!

We wanted to write a quick note saying that we made it safely. Our travels were just about flawless. We are both lacking on sleep but have already been busy orienting ourselves to our new home. We will write more later, we are spending time with some people from the Naval Academy, which has been keeping us on our toes. We played a soccer match against the Faith Alive Soccer Team today, and lost terribly, but none the less, it was a great time! I also wanted to say that we miss our families and friends immensely already, and thank everyone for all their support. We love you and miss you. We will try to blog again when we get a chance, sorry for the short report, but we have been very busy. Lots of love and we will try to write more soon.
Kristen and Jon Paul

There is a Season

This is a season of my life (and our lives as a married couple, we will be leaving the day after our 1 year anniversary) that I have very mixed feelings about. I am so thrilled that I have a husband who is faithful to the Lord and who has a hearfelt desire to serve the poor, hungry, those experiencing injustice, the widow, the orphan, etc. I am so excited to be a part of so many exciting things, the Peanut Butter Project, Faith Alive as an organization, a community of Christ followers who REALLY trust Him...with everything, the "Penguin School", kids, holistic approaches for health care and caring for people, the fabrics and beautiful colors, the people and being able to exprience a part of their lives with them, hope, faith, trust, love, rewards that are far better than what the world could offer me and what I was pursuing back home. Things that I feel anxiety about...no showers, finances, the ability to exercise, food, sickness, missing my friends and family, doubting, fear of unknown, not feeling adequate to serve in any capacity (education, spiritually, etc.), loneliness, safety, and not having passion. This is a season of our lives where we can grow in knowing Jesus Christ more deeply, as being more real, more genuinely, more faithfully, with more trust, as the place we find our security and hope. Most of the things I listed as anxieties are things that I often pursue as things that make me happy, sustain me, give me my identity. However, I am looking to trade those things in for knowing Jesus more, as much as it scares me and as much as much as I have tried to fight it in the process of going, it's happening, and I'm excited.

Please feel free to reply and to post comments, prayers, things going on in your life, etc. We would LOVE to hear from family and friends because we will be missing you SOOOOOO much. I am realizing that what I will miss the most are my relationships that have helped to support and encourage me, and I don't want them to disappear while we're gone!

Kristen

Before the trip

Kristen and I are in the process of making travel arrangements for our trip to the Faith Alive clinic in Jos. We are planning on arriving in Nigeria on July 30th, and we have yet to make our flights, get our travel visas, get our vaccinations and medications, move out of our apartment, pack what we're going to take with us and get rid of or store the rest. Needless to say we have a lot to do over the next three weeks.

This blog will be for any and all who are interested in knowing what we are experiencing while serving in Jos. We will make our best effort to update this blog weekly, but we are trying to live in the present experience, so we may go a longer period without adding an entry and will try to make brevity the rule of thumb. We hope you can all share in our experiences through this log and get an insight into what we are doing and experiencing in Africa.

Jon